I wish I could punch you in the face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
