I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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