Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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