I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
