go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
