We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
