At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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