she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
