Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
