I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
