I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
