Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
