While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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