Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
