How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The air taste purple.
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