I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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