Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
