chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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