I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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