i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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