he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
