it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
