If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
