Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
