god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
