and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
