OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
