And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
