I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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