You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
