I wanna passion pit in your ass
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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