I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
