i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
