I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
