im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
