Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
