u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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