just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
