Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
