This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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