she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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