I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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