bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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