We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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