You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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