I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
