Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
