Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
