Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
