It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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