god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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