6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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