I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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