with your own penis?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
