Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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