Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
