my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i have herpe
just one?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
