you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
