Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
