I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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