I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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