how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
