I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
