I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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