Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
