I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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