I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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