honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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