I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
