peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
