I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
