i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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